Life Stood Still: Being HIV Positive

The result was positive. I felt numbness all over my body – then I started crying. I thought it was the end, I felt so much devastation.

I broke down right there and then.

Life all of a sudden seems to stand still. A rollercoaster of emotions rush through your brain, or numbness descends leaving you down and confused.
Questions jump to mind:
No way, it can’t be me? What have I done to deserve this?
How do I tell my family and friends? Will they accept me?
Is anyone ever going to be with me?
What about my job?

The Struggle
People deal with HIV in different ways. Being diagnosed with HIV can be a confusing and dark period in someone’s life. CD4 counts. T-cell counts. Viral loads. What does it all mean?

Frustration and anger can take control of your thoughts and life seems cruel and unfair. This big world we live in shrinks and you find yourself feeling all alone, even in a crowded room. It’s just you and HIV. Nothing else exists. But does it?

New reality
This new reality people find themselves in can be heartbreakingly difficult. It’s important to remember that people are not their status and they are still the same person they’ve always been!

The blur of the days that follow make it hard to think about your future in a positive way. Yet, there are different ways that people living with HIV can live positively.

‘They say’ acceptance is the first step to recovery. Knowing their status allows people to move on with their lives. As time passes, knowledge of the condition increases and some of the fear, usually rooted in confusion and ignorance, fades away. People with HIV live happy, healthy and sexual lives. This life begins, though, through accepting their status and learning more about the ways to treat it.

Having a positive state of mind is a real game-changer. Do not be defined by your status. It is part of you but not all of you.
Family, friends, lovers. How do you tell them?

Seeing my mom crying whilst reading the results tore me apart.

It can be tough but these are the people that care for you most. Trusting that they will stay in your life is challenging but you need to give them the chance to accept you.

Unfortunately, some families, friends and partners aren’t great.  Not everyone is blessed with cool parents that will be there no matter what, or friends that can see past your status. In times like these, there are support groups out there for people who could do with some words of wisdom. A simple internet search or a visit to your local clinic can point you in the right direction, where you can meet people going through similar things to you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Another way to deal with HIV is to keep healthy. Sounds strange? It shouldn’t. Eating some good food, exercising regularly, and cutting down on the beers can all help you feel and look good.

As time passes your status will stay the same, but YOU would have changed. You gain knowledge about your status and the ways you can live the life you’ve always dreamed of.

There may be days where your mind takes hold and you’re down in the dumps. Everyone has those days, regardless of their status. It’s ok not to feel ok. It’s not ok to stay that way forever.  Remember all the ambitions and dreams you had before and the fact that you have your whole life ahead of you to fulfil them.

You are not the disease. It is just a part of you.

There is life after finding out you’re HIV positive.