Behind the Scenes: Tsholo, Abuse & Victim-Blaming

This article was written by Stephanie Sandows who plays ‘Tsholo’ in MTV Shuga: Down South. Throughout the series, we have seen ‘Tsholo’ face violent abuse from ‘Sol’, as he begins to take more control over her life…

Playing the role of Tsholo was arguably the most challenging thing that I have ever taken on. This is simply because it was not just some story that someone thought of and created for ‘good tv’, but it was based on the realities faced by young people today. That in itself was hard for me to grasp – that at 15 , young people are having to deal with things no one, much less a 15 year old, should have to face.

As a society, we are living in an age where technological advances and social media play an integral part in shaping the mind-set of young people.

Everything seems to gravitate towards wanting what, most times, one does not need but just desires because there’s pressure to fit in and at any cost. Tsholo’s story illustrates that the cost may be greater than you could have ever imagined or been prepared for.

We need to look at a few key points in terms of the ramifications of those decisions, but then also understand that abuse of any form is and never will be the victim’s fault.

ACCOUNTABILITY 

We are responsible for the decisions we make and there will always be consequences to those decisions. So yes, Tsholo decided to accept gifts from Sol knowing, or perhaps thinking, that the ‘only’ cost would be sex (on her terms), and boy was she mistaken.

However, we need to not justify the actions of Sol as a consequence of Tsholo’s decisions. There is no justification when it comes to abuse of any kind.

VICTIM-BLAMING

An extension of the above point is then this new ‘culture’ whereby somehow we as young girls think that it is ok to blame the victim because she ‘asked’ for it. This is completely absurd! No-one ‘asks’ to be raped. Importantly, this points to a deep rooted issue in terms of the mind-set of young people.

The fact remains that everyone makes ‘bad’ decisions sometimes but the consequence, in terms of abuse and in reference to Tsholo’s story, should never be seen as the victim’s fault. If as young girls we entertain these ideas then we are simply perpetuating a sick cycle in which abuse is justified.

ACTION

In order to tackle the problem of abuse and victim-blaming, we need to stand together as a united front, and young girls need to have each other’s backs. It’s clear that Tsholo is stuck in an abusive relationship and needs help!

I was completely dumbstruck when I read the social media comments after Tsholo’s rape scenes, and found that it was mostly females saying that ‘she deserved it’ or ‘what did she expect’. How on earth will win this battle if we don’t support each other?
We need to make it clear that NO will always mean NO – no matter what age or time we live in. Even if a girl’s ‘actions’ suggest that she’s interested in someone, the minute she says STOP then that is what needs to happen.

I will go as far as to boldly say that even if after agreeing to have sex and during sex I change my mind and say no, it is still acceptable for me to have changed my mind! Under no circumstances should anyone feel any obligation to do anything they do not want to, regardless of what the prior ‘agreement’ was, whether spoken or not. Until this is taught, understood and practiced we will just be setting the tone for a lot more bad situations for young girls…

If you want to find out more information on some of the issues discussed in #MTVShugaDS, then check out our Knowledge page for help and support!