Circles: Is Leaving an Abusive Lover Enough?

The reality is most people don't understand the meaning of Love, they get stuck on the quote "Love is Patient" and endure the pain so much that they are finally broken without repair. Hence, they have no confidence in moving on by themselves!...It's better to remain Single than being in a relationship and Unhappy... People need to know that they deserve better Love!

Plenty things in Nigeria are not yet spelt out. Until actual effort is put into making laws on issues like this to eradicate/control these things, we’ll all just be shouting on social media. More people should speak up and push this awareness of typically not noticing the Elephant in the room.

Wonderful read! I saw a line of thought I had never considered before- one that also focuses on the abuser. I saw that episode myself and it was a very sad one. Everyone needs to read this.

This is an amazing read. We all need to consciously talk about these things. In churches, schools, homes,etc. Domesticated legislation at the state level must help address and punish cases like this. Establishment and implementation of family courts to speed up the process of litigation would also go a long way.

This is a lovely piece. You did justice to the problem.. Everyone thinks it is easy for the abused to leave just like that.. Let's really think of the reasons abused return to their abuser.. Recently I had a convo with a female Friend and she told me how she has been enduring her relationship and how she never had the courage to leave him despite several abuses (physically and verbally) and the fear of what her friends will say because they feel she has a perfect relationship. She later had the courage to breakup with him after getting high though and swore not to get back with him.. Guess what? after a week she started posting his pictures again on her status with love emoji and I keep wondering why she went back to him? Is there any way to help her? Maybe her self esteem has dropped so low that she feels that's the only safe haven.. These issues are tougher than they look..

Thank you for writing about this. It's easy to tell people to leave an abusive relationship but there are lots of reasons why people return.

First, I believe that people should not be forced to leave abusive relationships. Don't just advice them to leave. Make them see reasons why they should. This can be difficult if you don't understand psychological dynamics cos most abusive partners are manipulative and professors of "romance and apology".
So, my suggestion is, set them up with therapists that can influence their thought process and make them see why it's important they leave.

Also, we need to create a culture that supports and protects people who leave abusive relationship. This includes not victimising them, connecting them with therapists, ensuring that there's an effective restraining order (as you have suggested), setting up NGOs that would cater for their needs and empower them(for those that are dependent) amongst others.
If we really want them to leave, we should be ready to do the work.

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