#RealTalk: Silence is not the solution

We recently attended an event in Johannesburg to listen to a group of young people speak out against Gender Based Violence.

The event was organised by Mmoho (Which means “Together” in Sesotho) and one young person who stood out on the day was Ntokozo Zakwe. The 25-year-old spoke about her experience of being physically assaulted at a young age. We’ve invited her to MTV Shuga to share her story and share any advice that she has for victims of GBV.

My name is Ntokozo Zakwe. I am from Durban South Africa and I grew up in a small village known as eMolweni in Kwa-Zulu Natal. I currently work for the DREAMS initiative, a program which is all about helping adolescent girls to stay in school, to be empowered, to stay HIV free and to dream.

This is my Story

When I was 11 years old I was raped by a man I didn’t know. I was coming home from school one day and he raped me.
I didn’t know what to do at that time, when I got home I just got into bed and slept. When my aunt woke me up there was blood all over the bed and she asked me what had happened so I told her everything.

After hearing everything, she told me to go and take a bath and that was it. We were not supposed to tell anybody. It happened and judging from my aunt’s reaction, I was expected to get over it.

Why I kept my assault a secret

The reason why I didn’t try to speak out is because I was 11 and I was scared. My rapist told me he would kill me if I told anybody, and I believed him. When my aunt told me that there was no use in talking about it, I believed her too. I started to think, “Maybe she is right and I don’t have to tell anybody about it.”

I bottled it up for over 10 years before it came out when I was a young adult. It drove me to a very dark place and I could barely cope. Keeping quiet did not help me.

Why I decided to tell my story

The main reason why I finally decided to speak out is that I kept hearing people say that talking about it helps you heal. I really wanted to heal and I wanted to move on.

I also wanted to meet other people who have been through similar incidents so that I could share my experience, and so that we could all sit down and help each other answer one question, “How on Earth are we going to get over this?”

Another reason I spoke out is for awareness. Not just for women, but for men too. Men need to know how much these crimes hurt us, how even one incident can kill us on the inside. It was no longer about me, it became about everybody that I could reach. I wanted people to know how something like this can affect you even many years later. The pain you feel doesn’t expire.

Why victims should never keep quiet after being assaulted

On MTV Shuga, a young girl named Tsholo was assaulted by her boyfriend, Sol. However, she was too frightened to tell her father or the police.

There are a number of reasons why people may not speak out after going through something like this, but here are a few reasons why silence is not the best route:

1. The perpetrator can never pay for it.
Our justice system isn’t always reliable, but if you don’t say anything, your attacker will always be free and could go on to attack others too.

2. You will not get the care you deserve as a victim.
When you are raped you need to go to a clinic so that they can put you on PEP to prevent HIV or the Morning After Pill to make sure you don’t get pregnant.

Your emotional well-being should be addressed as urgently as your physical well-being. Just like you should go to a clinic to check your physical health, getting immediate counselling will help you deal with the trauma you’ve just experienced.

Speaking to a professional won’t take away the pain of your experience, but they will be well-equipped to help you begin your recovery.

3. It never goes away:

Bottling it up is the worst thing you can do, and as mentioned, it will come back when you least expect it. When things like this happen you need to speak to somebody, preferably and where possible, a professional. Someone who can help you deal with the trauma and the pain and help you properly process the experience.

There is help out there
When it happened to me, I was only 11 so I wasn’t really aware of any services that could help me. I’ve seen now that organisations both in the government and NGOs, are trying to provide services that help victims cope.
There are people to talk to these days and it’s very different to how it used to be.

Helpline Phone Numbers and Where to Follow Ntokozo
If you have been assaulted and need someone to talk to you can either call the South African Childline or the South African National Rape Line.

Stop Gender Violence Helpline: 0800 150 150 (24-hour service)
Childline: 08000 55 555
You can also get in touch with MTV Shuga by inboxing us on social media or emailing info@MTVShuga.com.

Follow Ntozoko Zakwe on Twitter – @IAmINtokozo