Let’s be honest, having a sexual conversation is hard. Ever tried having one with your father? I guess it’s one of those bittersweet moments resulting in heart palpitations and a possible warm clap. You start sweating before you even utter the words “girlfriend” and “sex” to him. You can tell by his facial expressions that he’s not in the mood for a talk, let alone a talk about such a controversial topic: SEX…
How many times do we fumble when trying to speak to men about sex, gender-based violence, HIV testing and abuse? It seems challenging because some men have no time to listen to that, and a lot of them are still enjoying their youth. In my journey of exploration of the definition of manliness and masculinity, I found myself writing a song to share my feelings.
I then came together with friends to create a mini “Men’s Conference” in my hood and, I can safely say that it wasn’t easy at all. We had to be mentally and emotionally prepared for the consequences that come with speaking to men. It may sound hyperbolic, but to be honest, men are just as emotional as women. I had been dreaming about creating a platform for men by men. A platform where men can have a voice to express themselves without the fear of being judged. I then selected a few dedicated men who formed part of our team.
We created an event, booked a venue, and did a door to door recruiting men to come and join us as we talk about issues that they face but are afraid of talking about. It was therapeutic, to say the least. A lot of men shared sincere and personal stories where they spoke about what they were going through emotionally at that time. We also managed to speak about issues such as gender-based violence, toxic masculinity, and the topic of consent, among many things.
We learned that there are some practical ways to support men and encourage their involvement in the conversation by:
- Normalizing and encouraging men & boys to talk about their feelings
- Teaching men & boys about the available holistic health support
- Challenging perceptions and definitions of masculinity
- Skilling men and boys with knowledge, and a better outlook and attitude on gender equality, child protection and positive parenting
- Informing men and boys about various non-violence mechanisms of resolving conflicts
What we took from those meetings were different perspectives that made us view life, and other men differently. Men also go through a lot and want to be heard. Men also get depressed because they have been suppressing their feelings for a long time. Some don’t know how to express themselves because they have been quiet for a long time. They must live according to societal standards and when they don’t, then they aren’t “man” enough.
Majita, always remember: There’s nothing wrong with being emotional. You’re human, after all. If you need to talk, check out these helplines below:
Tel: +27 12 366 9300
Email: info@mensfoundation.co.za
Tel: 083 626 5118
Tel: +27 71 280 9918
Mental Health Tel: 011 234 4837
Suicide prevention Tel: 0800 567 567
Send a please-call-me to 083 323 1023