#RealTalk: Living with HIV

This is my story…
The story below was written by Melissa Ikirezi, who opened up about her HIV status…

I am 23 years old and I am the only HIV+ child in a family of 4 girls. The origin of HIV infection between my parents remains a mystery until today. Some say that my father cheated on my mother, whilst others say that my mother got infected from hospital, whilst others say that she was raped during the Rwandan genocide in 1994.

And I have to tell you that I am not planning on figuring out the origin of my status. The only 2 people who could tell me the truth were my parents, and my dad died when I was 2 years old and my mother died when I was only 6 years old.

Well, with HIV being a big deal back in the day, everyone that my mother trusted in my family knew my status apart from me. I learnt about my HIV status when I was 11 years old from my mother’s letters to her friends and this was confirmed after I pushed my sister and aunt to take me to get tested.

This was very deceiving and annoying. The truth be told, I hated my mother for never telling me. The very first discrimination I ever experienced was from my aunt. When I asked her if she knew the origin of my positive status, she said with boldness that it was from my mother’s side, because in her family’s bloodline they can’t have such infections. I was strictly asked to keep it a secret and to never tell anybody because it would bring shame to the whole family.

As a teenager, I became involved in a romantic relationship. When I told my aunt, she went behind my back and told the boy’s mother who banned her son from being in a relationship with me; saying that I could kill her son due to the virus I had in my blood. And just like that, my first relationship was a wrap.

Two years down the line, I met an older woman (who later become my best friend) who was also positive. She was a graduate in a local University and I told her that I wanted to graduate from college one day, just like her. I told her that I didn’t want to die and she told me that I had to take my medication first of all and to also be true to myself, as well as accepting the fact that I am HIV+.

Another piece of advice that stuck with me came from an aunt of mine, who said that, ‘HIV is just like a neighbour; the amount of respect you give to it equals the amount of respect you receive’. I took the principles at hand and internalized them. Today, I am in my last year of college and am ready to graduate.

I have had relationships, but what I realized was that the ones which lasted were the ones where I kept my status hidden. As things became more serious, I would tell my partners about my status and some would find the guts to breakup with me, whilst others would simply disappear.

At the age of 18 years old, I was celebrating my birthday and when my cousin’s friend raped me. I told him I was positive but he thought I was lying. He was infected and to this day remains a scar that never heals in my heart; yet I managed to find a way to forgive him in time.

I became one of the founders of an organization called Kigali Hope, whose priority is to empower YPLWHIV (Young People Living With HIV). I try and work towards being a positive mentor for YPLWHIV, just like the graduate woman I met when I was younger.

I stay true to myself and have rested my case with relationships in general; any man who comes my way I tell them about my status straight away and let them choose what they think is best for them.

My siblings at first weren’t that supportive. I remember the day that I decided to come out and declare my status on social media. One of my siblings told me that if I did such a thing, then I should not consider them as a sibling anymore. But anyway, I still did it because it wasn’t for them to decide if I did so or not. It was for myself and the millions of other young people out there imprisoned by this fear of acceptance and being who they are in the eyes of the public.

I broke out of that prison and I dedicated my entire life to helping other young people like me to break free through different social media platforms, such as my YouTube channel called: “It is just a neighbor”, as well as my website; imelissawordpresscom.wordpress.com. Also, I live positively by working with youth initiatives such as: Kigali Hope in Rwanda, Sauti Skika and BLAST in Kenya.

With that briefing, I hope you understand how pleased I am when I watch an amazing, truthful, and real show (because it speaks the truth) such as MTV Shuga, as it is priceless. As a young person living with HIV for all of the 23 years of my life, I am entirely grateful.
Warm regards,
Melissa Ikirezi

If you have any personal stories that you want to share with the MTV Shuga Team, write to us at info@mtvshuga.com. For more information on some of the issues we discuss throughout the series, including sexual identity, check out our knowledge page for help and advice