Breaking the Ice and having "The Talk"

News

14/06/2018

Phumlani Kango understands why you’d be afraid of having “The Talk” with your parents. However, he’s here to help us all break the ice.

I have heard many millennials admit to never having had “The Talk” with their parents and I can understand why. The only advice some of us ever got usually went something like: “sex leads to pregnancy and diseases. Stay away!”.

While there are many parents who are very open to discussing sexual matters with their children, others would rather avoid like the plague. If you’ve watched MTV Shuga, you’ll know that many characters down the years have feared opening up to their parents.

In episode 8 of MTV Shuga Naija, we see Corper Yasmin accompanying Frances to visit the clinic for tests. Frances was raped at a party and Yasmin, along with Cynthia support her through this.  

One thing that stands out in this scene is how afraid she is to tell her parents what happened. This explains why she went to Corper Yasmin. The new teacher in school isn’t afraid to talk about safe sex with her students.

In the very same episode we see what can go wrong when you don’t have any help at all. Leila is too scared to tell her aunt and uncle that she may be pregnant. In the end, she had a miscarriage before she even knew she was pregnant. Many of us fear bringing the topic up with our parents and that’s a big reason why some of us have not had the talk.

The problem with this is that a lot of kids grow up being afraid to ask their parents anything about sex or anyone for that matter because sex has been made to be this taboo thing that you do not talk to anyone with.

Having the talk with your parents or your guardians is will help you inform and set standards for your sex life. Talking about sex helps ease expectations that some kids may have. Personally, I have found that having your tough questions answered is a feeling I cannot explain. So how do you initiate the talk with your parents if they are old school like mine were? The first thing you want to do is:

 SET THE TIME & DATE.

  • Choose a time and day, preferably one where you are not experiencing other stresses like school or work. So a weekend would work best and choose a time, you know your parents will be the most approachable.

SET THE TONE

  • Choose a space you’re also comfortable in. Maybe your bedroom or the lounge could work in your home.
  • Approaching your parents in a respectable manner will ensure they know you are serious and treat you with the same respect you’re approaching them with.
  • Ask your questions openly and truthfully so they can also give you the best answers and honestly as well if they can see you are giving them the same.
  • Listen! Take heed of the answers you receive. I always advise people to take also take certain things with a pinch of salt. Analyse all your sources of information and then make up your mind based on what was relevant to you.

ASK YOUR QUESTIONS TACTFULLY

  • You can start off by saying “I heard a friend/teacher during class say…”. This can set the tone and possibly be the easiest way to get you into the conversation.
  • Mention TV shows/movies that have made reference to the question you want to ask.
  • Also mentioning… “I am reaching the age of ___ and becoming more curious about sex. I just wanted to chat with you about….”.

It might not always be smooth or easy, but by opening the dialogue both you and your parents can learn about everything that leads to a healthy sex life.

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