Guest post: What it's like growing up HIV positive

In series 4, we saw Sheila and Femi and Leila and Weki both coupled up and going through loves highs and lows. Dealing with family members not understanding what HIV is and deciding how and when to reveal their status.  But what’s it like to be a real life Weki or Femi?

Below we hear from Shawn Decker and find out what it was like for him growing up HIV positive and the trials that come with disclosure.
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“What will people say when they hear about this?” Sheila’s family is in full freak-out mode over her relationship with Femi. Her brother attempts to blackmail Femi and contacts Tobi to assist him. But Tobi redeems himself from his actions in the previous episode, and goes to Sheila and Femi, advising him to go public with his HIV status “to get ahead of the story.”
Sheila and Femi do just that- they appear on a television show and surprise the host by disclosing his status, as well as Sheila’s HIV negative status. “It’s cool being a magnetic couple,” Sheila says. “It helps us help people who understand what this is as well.” The phone lines blow up- and suddenly the couple are presenting an image of HIV that isn’t quite so common but should be.

THE MAGNETIC COUPLE ISSUE IN THIS EPISODE: The misguided attempts by Sheila’s actually inspire the couple to make a serious decision together and go public with their relationship. Many couples with HIV often have to hide the positive partner’s status, mainly to avoid situations like the ones that Sheila has had to deal with. Also, couples that do confide in their families do face discrimination- but many times families are very welcoming, especially once they have accurate information on how the virus is and isn’t transmitted.

WHAT THIS WAS LIKE FOR ME: As I discussed in my previous blog entry, I went public with my HIV status before I met Gwenn. Her family was very welcoming. At first, I think her mother was most concerned about how upset Gwenn would be if I died. A lot of people don’t realize that people with HIV can live long, full lives. After so many years together, and seeing how much my health has improved over the years, Gwenn’s mom is no longer worried about that.

In episode three, the character I related to the most was actually Weki, who was born positive but is now in high school and struggling to disclose his status to his girlfriend, Leila. After their HIV support group meeting, Femi talks to Weki privately and encourages him to tell Leila. “I just haven’t found the right time to tell her!” Later in the episode, Weki tries to tell Leila, but things are heating up and a condom comes out and they have protected sex.

In high school, I had a similar situation. I just could not disclose my status to my girlfriend- I’d make a plan to do it and then chicken out. I never thought I would be able to- and it really took the end of my first real relationship to discover that I needed to get comfortable talking about HIV. My current life is much more like Femi’s, in terms of being in a public, magnetic relationship. What I love most about this episode is that I know firsthand that someone can go from the self-conscious Weki to the confidant Femi.
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Part four of this story will be out on Wednesday. To find out more about our guest writer, Shawn Decker, click here.