Porn, sex and err… African parents

“Shooting pornography brings me unimaginable joy…In a world where women are so often robbed of their choice, I am completely in control of my sexuality. As a bisexual woman with many sexual quirks, I feel completely accepted. It is freeing, it is empowering, it is wonderful, it is how the world should be.”

That’s Belle Knox, the now famous, or infamous, porn star and student at Duke University in the US. Yeah, that’s right if you haven’t heard about her, she’s a freshman student AND a porn star, making mega bucks to pay off her school fees, instead of taking out a student loan.

Only in America…Not that it’s a bad or good thing, I mean, as long as she is, literally, playing it safe. She does argue a goo point though, we live in a world where women are so often robbed of their choice and lack control of their sexuality. Without sounding repetitive of all the great feminist writers out there, words like ‘slut’ and ‘whore’ are degrading, yet a man that does those very same things is praised as a ‘playa’ or ‘player’, however you’d like to spell it.

In most African households, freedom of sexuality is not really even a thing. It may definitely not be embraced, because of the many myths around having sex, such as pregnancies out of wedlock, STIs, and HIV/AIDS. “Prevention is better than cure”, is probably one of the most celebrated phrases amongst all us Shaka Zulu descendants. More phrases include, “Abstain or carry bele!”, “Have sex and catch virus!”, and so on and so forth. I have heard it all.

Do we all remember Mr. smooth-talker Femi from series 2 and 3 of Shuga? Remember how near the beginning of series 2 Femi’s mother talked about sex so openly with him? She blatantly told her son to wrap that thing up, and reassured him that she knows all about the shenanigans us youths are up to these days.

Our parents are embellished with wisdom. They have gone through an unimaginable amount of experiences that we cannot dare compete with. Bless them. But times have changed and are changing, what they only knew at 40, we already know at 20.

What they did at 40… Well, you know the rest.

The taboos are usually the most important topics we need to discuss, and it’s only through talking about things like porn, sex, or HIV/AIDS can we find a common ground to either beat it or make sure it is done properly.

Can you talk about sex-related topics in your household? What do you think young people can do to get their elders talking?